Six

“Succotash to the man. For selling drugs to the brother man, instead a’ the other man.”

David Bowie’s “Fame” just came on. Whenever I hear that intro, I can’t help but trigger Professor Griffs’ line in Public Enemy’s “Night Of The Living Baseheads”. Samples are changing the way we remember songs, now. Despite the fact that I was a Bowie fan long before I became a PE fan, I now remember the beginning of “Fame” as a sample in another song, rather than as the song itself. Aretha Franklin’s “Think” conjures 3^rd Base’s “Gas Face”. Diana Ross’ “Upside Down” makes me think of Puff Daddy. Sly And The Family Stone brings me to Janet Jackson.

Are there people who, gazing upon a can of Campbell’s soup, think of Andy Warhol instead of lunch?

I just came down from the upstairs throne room, where I’d taken my after lunch sabbatical. Sometimes the world seems like a different place after you take a dump. You isolate yourself from the world, cleanse yourself of some of the garbage inside you, and when you finally emerge from exile, it seems as though the world itself is a cleaner place. It’s a refreshing feeling, but deep down, there’s something a little eerie about it, too.

“JEFF!!!! YOUR CALL IS STILL HOLDING ON LINE EIGHT!!! PLEASE PICK UP YOUR CALL ON LINE EIGHT!!!!” That’s li’l Bryan at the reception/info desk. Funny guy normally, but he gets annoying on the P.A. Another thing about shitting upstairs, is you don’t always hear if you’re being paged, which is both a good thing and a bad thing simultaneously.

I get to a nearby phone “Stationary department. Jeff speaking.”

“Hey, Jeff! It’s Geoff.”

“Geoff!! What’s happening?” One of the disadvantages of having such a common name, is that you meet a million motherfuckers with the same one, and at least two or three of them become your friends, which can lead to some tedious bullshit.

“Nothing much, man. Just thought I’d check up on ya. Had a good time Tuesday night?”

“Oh, yeah. It was cool. On the way home, I got jumped by these three big Mexican dudes, though. I think I got one of ‘em pretty good, but in the end, you know, three against one…”

“Oh, shit. Sorry to hear that dude. Wish I had a been there. I would’a had your back, dude. Why’d they jump you? Money?”

“Naw. They were kinda rowdy, like they just came from some party or something. One a them said something to me in Spanish and I didn’t like the way it sounded, so I was like ‘Speak English, bitch. You wanna fuck with me, fuck with me in English so I can kick your god-damn ass.’”

Just then I noticed this old lady staring at me. She was holding a child by the hand and he was looking kind of restless.

“Excuse me young man, uh… where is the bathroom?”

“Straight in the back, miss.”

“Thank you, very much.” Hah! I hope that log was cleaned up, or you’re in for some unpleasantness, lady.

“Still there?”

“Yeah, that’s some funny shit. That’s soooo not like you, dude. Getting into fights? I wish I’d been there to see that. Guess you were still a little woozy. So, um… lemme ask you…”

“What?”

“Did you fuck the tranny?”

“What? Tranny? Me? What are you talking about?”

“That girl you were talking to at the bar. Dude, *that* was a dude. I could’a sworn I saw you two leave together.”

Time comes to a screeching halt. We have to go back in time a little bit.

Geoff and Joanne both used to work here. He was in sculpture, she worked in paints. They’d known each other for years. They were practically married. Both managed to get jobs here together. I got to know them ‘cause I heard they were musicians. Geoff who sang and played guitar and Joanne who played everything else; bass, keyboards, drums. The band was named St.Angel, but it was pronounced Staingel. They were a couple of goth types who mentioned being in the fetish scene which I thought was cool. She was a dominatrix and he, the submissive. While at work they were fairly normal looking, dressing casually as most of us did.

Joanne’s jet black hair perhaps gave some indication of the “darkness” she embraced in her after hours, especially in contrast to her pale Irish skin. She was normally very quiet among crowds and not very talkative at work. Sometimes even when I hung out with them, she’d say very few words, but I never felt unwelcome in her presence. Geoff was of Polish descent (don’t ask me to spell his last name – I gave up on that a long time ago), and may have some Jewish blood. Interestingly, some bad experiences with some Hasidic neighbors has colored his views towards Jews, which has led to some heated arguments between us, but so far hasn’t threatened our friendship. I’d seen the band play a couple of times. I’m very impressed. Think Depeche Mode, but with a more aggressive feel. There were some arguments among members, lately, and it appears the group may be on the outs, which is too bad.

Joanne has started to go pro with her dominatrix thing and I think she’s begun to see paying clients. Geoff’s feelings on the matter are conflicted to say the least, but ultimately he supports her. He was the one who invited me to see her performance at a fetish club in the city. Then again, maybe she made him do it. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, but my imagination was up to the task. Eyes Wide Shut came to mind. Constantly.

I actually hadn’t seen that film, though I read much about it. It had been somewhat controversial upon it’s release and some editing hadn’t helped matters. It was the editing that caused me to avoid the screenings and the DVD. I guess the reviews didn’t help much either, but I’d still like to see it un-edited. Perhaps I’ll download the European version some day.

I tried to fight the idea that a fetish club was a sex club where bizarre acts were openly perpetrated by folks in masks and tuxedos, well, masks, anyhow. I guess there may be a limit to how bizarre one can get with a tuxedo on. My rational side reasoned that this would be merely a place where folks who had certain inclinations would get together to meet others who shared their tendencies. My not so rational side was excited that I was gonna see and maybe be a part of some weird shit. At the very least I’d probably get to see Joanne spank somebody.

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